My "J" problem

I am writing this entry hoping that maybe someone out there could help me. I guess I have had this problem my entire life but it has definitely gotten worse over the last 10 years or so and it is to the point where it is worrying me.

I guess I just start from the beginning. My very first girlfriend's name was Jessica. In Elementary School I was what the french refer to as a "Super Stud", I had some real dirty cabbage and basically had my pick of the liter when it came to the playground honeys. I kissed a few different girls and whatever little kids do but the only girl I would ever call my girlfriend was an older girl named Jessica.

Middle school was a bit of a drought, I was still rockin' windpants everyday and apparently that wasn't cool; but they were sweet windpants. I did, okay, a few random make out sessions but no girlfriends, which was fine, I was really concentrating on my hockey career at that point.

Then the high school years. I bought a few pair of jeans and the ladies started to come back around. In 4 years I had plenty of hook ups but the only girl I went out; "Johnna".

College; that's where it really became noticeable. I am not going to beat around the bush here I fall in love at least 3 times a week. I started wearing windpants and sweats like I used to in Elementary school and the ladies jumped back on board. The beginning of my freshman year was super bad, I had a few "lay ups" I was working with; Jen, Jenny, Johnna, Joan, Jesse, Jenna, Jackie. There were a few other girls over the next 4 years (4+1=5 years of college), but if they didn't have a "J" it was nothing more then a one time thing. The only girlfriend I had over my five years of college, Jenna.

It started to get even worse in last couple of years. Whenever the weather wasn't, rainy, snowy, too cold, too hot, too dark, or too windy and I could actually make it to a class I would always try to sit next to a cute girl because I had developed a genius way to pick them up. Note passing. It is pretty simple, you sit down next to a girl open a notebook wait for about five minutes then write in your notebook "what is this guy talking about?" and slide the whole notebook over. This is usually followed by a giggle and the writing of something back. The next couple of notes should be picking on the teacher usually for a funny mannerism, or weird clothing just anything to keep the girl entertained. After a few notes you are money chuch.

So back to my problem. All of the girls I started picking were "J" names, and believe me it was completely accidental. I never went to the first two weeks of class because I realized you could just say your schedule was messed up and the teacher would forgive you. So I never knew any one's name. I would find a cute girl and sit down next to her, eventually to find out their name was Joan, Joanne, Jen, Jenny, Jenna, Jesse, Jessica, Jess, Johnna, Jackie, Jacinta, or some variation of a name beginning with J. Of course I saw other hot little bitties but I would see them and before I even learned their name I would find some flaw like, big ears or a mustache if she turned just right or something that would keep me from falling in love, but without fail whenever I scoped a totally bangin b-rod with no identifiable flaws I would decide to make her my pretend girlfriend and start planning our lives together, then the teacher would call on them........always a J name.

This freaked me out so much I dropped a few of my classes because I would get the wheels spinning and say "I am Ray" and offer a handshake; "my name is Jess" is what I would get back. Realizing I had some sick twisted problem I couldn't deal with I stood up and left class on two seperate occassions, never to return.

Right now I am purposely out to avoid "J"''s which is why I probably cannot find any girls I like. The problem is, even the girls I think I could eventually convince myself into liking will not give me the time of day, the only girls who seem to give into my rugged good looks and boyish charm are the "J" names, I do not know if they are out to get me or what the deal is but any help anyone could offer would be greatly appreciated.

Insanely yours,
Clown Shoes